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There is a rise of narcissism that is beginning to cripple North American culture – from the very top (Trump) to the bottom, it doesn’t take much looking around to notice. Further complicating this new era of narcissism is that it’s riddled with severe insecurities and lack of morals. Been on the Internet lately? Have you seen the judgmental and abusive comments, or the passive aggressive statements and posts? There is a strong sense of self entitlement. I keep asking myself where this is coming from, and what I can do to stop it. It’s increasingly common for grown men to lash out on social media and text over small things. EGO has run out of control and our society simply stands by and watches. In terms of dating; it’s made for tumultuous territory. Sometimes, the nicest gesture can be responded with name calling, or worse, over a simple misunderstanding. When we do, we become oversensitive guys who do not wish to hear, or admit, the truth.  We become narcissists. Good luck getting an apology from one: you’ll be long dead before you get it.

The problem:

Narcissists have no clue they are narcissists. To them, they are victims in society and in every single one of their relationships. They struggle with self-doubt, feelings of depression, and constantly compare themselves to their peers on social media. Didn’t get a lot of likes on an Instagram post? This is enough to send a narcissist into anger or sadness. When they do get them you can watch their face literally light up before your eyes. They take any attention they get, and you might as well not even be in the same room as them: you no longer exist.

Where do we go now?

So, what can you do when you realize you are friends with, or are dating a narcissist? Well, if they are physically or emotionally abusive, you will eventually have to leave if they don’t change their behavior. Watch how they react: are they empathetic to your feelings? Are they making changes: no longer going on the attack when conflict arises, or are they continuing to try to make you feel like shit? Move on!  I’m always okay with giving chances – trust me, I give way too many. Life is just too short, and there are too many other amazing people out there to meet and experience. You don’t owe anybody a therapy session.

To the narcissists:

I get that you are struggling; but, your insecurities are not an excuse to emotionally or physically attack another human being or animal. Grow a pair: stop the cycle of pain in this world and take some responsibility for the pain you are dishing out that perpetuates this sometimes shitty negative world we all have to live in. Get the help you need. When you give out pain, you literally are “part of the problem.”

Now the really tough part (thanks for sticking with me!):  Ask yourself how you’re contributing to the narcissism of the world. Do you owe somebody an apology or have you damaged a relationship simply over a bruised ego? How can you be a person of healing or at least stop your own pain from transferring to the people you care about?

Love will always win

From somebody who has coached many men, I can tell you first hand that these narcissists aren’t happy. They go through extreme highs and lows – one minute believing they are better than others and the next, less. They long for real connection, like we all do, but usually attempt to get it through looks, money and fame – and real love and fulfillment eludes them.

Instead: focus on meaning and purpose in your life and you will have just that, a meaningful and purposeful life.

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