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Using Facebook As Therapy Does Not Work

USING FACEBOOK AS THERAPY DOES NOT WORK

Since its inception, people have been using FB as a sounding board to write about their breakups, their problems with friends, dealing with loneliness, and a host of other personal issues. I sat back and watched silently; what do these people REALLY HOPE TO GAIN with these posts? As a coach, I personally tell my clients to run the other way if they are dating somebody that is practicing this type of behaviour, here’s why:

1. The person who writes these posts are always “right,” making the other person “wrong.” They essentially bash their exes on Social Media. We get it, he’s a complete dick, and she’s a big whore, but does garnering a bunch of hearts and likes actually help in any way? Of course not. It shows me one VERY IMPORTANT THING, this person has NO PROCESS AND STRUCTURE TO DEAL WITH THE ACTUAL EMOTIONS THAT TOOK PLACE. Instead, they resort to FB as a means to deflect the pain they are going through, looking for temporary relief and attention. This in turn tells me one thing: this drama is going to repeat again, and again, and again.

2. They make themselves a Dating Victim: the whole world sucks except for them. Insert Facebook rant. For some reason (but definitely, definitely not because of any of their choices), they keep dating these sluts and assholes. If they don’t find a professional to help, I can predict one thing – more sluts and assholes are a comin’ their way. They need to break their love energy cycle. Do they know how to do this? How has blaming the world and all of their exes worked out for them so far?

3. It’s a ginormous red flag. Relationships come and go for one main purpose – to facilitate learning. If they have come to the sounding board to be “right,” it’s proof that they aren’t willing to look in the mirror and learn ANYTHING about themselves through the process they’ve so painfully shared with us. Relationships depend on teaching and learning, if you are seeing somebody that always needs to be “right” (enough to sound off on FB about it), then it’s very likely the relationship is doomed. We are more than just a body, we are powerful beyond measure – if being “wrong” about something somehow takes away from who we think we are, we’re missing the point of life. If being “right” is more important than the relationship, it has no chance to begin with.

I know some of you are fuming mad at me right now – how dare he, he doesn’t understand?! The thing is, I do. I used to be just like you. And believe it or not, I want to help, and that’s why I wrote this post. Using Facebook as therapy (vaguebooking) HAS NEVER AND WILL NEVER WORK. Please find the courage to seek out a self-confidence coach, relationship coach, or a therapist. YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU HAVE MORE POWER OVER YOUR OWN LIFE THAN YOU REALIZE!

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Emotional Abuse. Leaving the Narcissists and Beginning the Path of Healing.

There is a rise of narcissism that is beginning to cripple North American culture – from the very top (Trump) to the bottom, it doesn’t take much looking around to notice. Further complicating this new era of narcissism is that it’s riddled with severe insecurities and lack of morals. Been on the Internet lately? Have you seen the judgmental and abusive comments, or the passive aggressive statements and posts? There is a strong sense of self entitlement. I keep asking myself where this is coming from, and what I can do to stop it. It’s increasingly common for grown men to lash out on social media and text over small things. EGO has run out of control and our society simply stands by and watches. In terms of dating; it’s made for tumultuous territory. Sometimes, the nicest gesture can be responded with name calling, or worse, over a simple misunderstanding. When we do, we become oversensitive guys who do not wish to hear, or admit, the truth.  We become narcissists. Good luck getting an apology from one: you’ll be long dead before you get it.

The problem:

Narcissists have no clue they are narcissists. To them, they are victims in society and in every single one of their relationships. They struggle with self-doubt, feelings of depression, and constantly compare themselves to their peers on social media. Didn’t get a lot of likes on an Instagram post? This is enough to send a narcissist into anger or sadness. When they do get them you can watch their face literally light up before your eyes. They take any attention they get, and you might as well not even be in the same room as them: you no longer exist.

Where do we go now?

So, what can you do when you realize you are friends with, or are dating a narcissist? Well, if they are physically or emotionally abusive, you will eventually have to leave if they don’t change their behavior. Watch how they react: are they empathetic to your feelings? Are they making changes: no longer going on the attack when conflict arises, or are they continuing to try to make you feel like shit? Move on!  I’m always okay with giving chances – trust me, I give way too many. Life is just too short, and there are too many other amazing people out there to meet and experience. You don’t owe anybody a therapy session.

To the narcissists:

I get that you are struggling; but, your insecurities are not an excuse to emotionally or physically attack another human being or animal. Grow a pair: stop the cycle of pain in this world and take some responsibility for the pain you are dishing out that perpetuates this sometimes shitty negative world we all have to live in. Get the help you need. When you give out pain, you literally are “part of the problem.”

Now the really tough part (thanks for sticking with me!):  Ask yourself how you’re contributing to the narcissism of the world. Do you owe somebody an apology or have you damaged a relationship simply over a bruised ego? How can you be a person of healing or at least stop your own pain from transferring to the people you care about?

Love will always win

From somebody who has coached many men, I can tell you first hand that these narcissists aren’t happy. They go through extreme highs and lows – one minute believing they are better than others and the next, less. They long for real connection, like we all do, but usually attempt to get it through looks, money and fame – and real love and fulfillment eludes them.

Instead: focus on meaning and purpose in your life and you will have just that, a meaningful and purposeful life.

Purchase “Sex, Love & Confidence” here:

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For more information visit www.studtraining101.com

Online Dating Tips & Etiquette

I’m guilty of some of these at times – hello, alcohol! That being said, we can all use reminders for a lot of things in life:

  1. No Response is a Response

Guys, we get it. How could anybody turn YOU down? You have everything that anybody could ever want. That being said, if somebody doesn’t respond back, it means they aren’t interested, or, maybe they are simply just too busy to reply. This is not the time to take it as a personal attack, nobody is out to get you, and NO, THEY DO NOT OWE YOU A RESPONSE EVEN IF YOU MESSAGE JUST TO COMPLIMENT THEM. Nobody owes you anything; especially a return response from some random stranger messaging online behind a computer, or on a phone. If you have a previous relationship in some sense then it is okay to expect a response. News flash: this is the online world, not the real world. If you get hurt enough to react with an angry message from a no response, or continue messaging them over and over again, you have way bigger self-esteem issues on your hands. Instead of getting angry at the no response, try thinking “how can I empower myself so this small stuff never bothers me again?” If they consistently show this behavior it should really be easy to move on. Do you really want a partner or friend, who ignores you?

  1. Don’t hit on anybody you wouldn’t say hi to in person

This would save a lot of problems online. Guys, if we only meet people through the online world we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop real social skills needed in relationships and intimate situations. If you don’t have the courage to go up to somebody and strike up a conversation, maybe its best you pass on this particular hottie. Continually going for people online that we think deep down are going to turn us down causes our self-esteem to crumble with every rejection. If, though, this rejection is at least done in person, we actually build up real resistance and confidence, which moves us forward in life making it easier to approach the next person. We also develop the ability to check our anxiety and relax in similar future situations.

  1. Don’t assume people know what you want

People are on here for all different reasons. Get to the point of what you are after.  Guys, do your best to compartmentalize dating apps away from Facebook messenger or other social media messengers. Is this a friend messaging me on a hook up app? Why? Oh the awkward world of online dating.

  1. Market what you want

Somebody once pointed out to me that if I want a romantic relationship then maybe I shouldn’t have a shirtless profile pic as my first impression. After thinking about it, I couldn’t agree more. There are many examples of guys saying they want one thing but then do another and it can get really confusing quickly.  As a side note: never ever send your butthole to anybody EVER. WTF!! Yes it has happened to me. Same goes for the special D shot unless it is discussed and asked for first. How rude and usually GROSS!

  1. Respect yourself

Anytime we are lashing out at strangers online we are not respecting ourselves. Get over it, gurl. Move on. Life is too short.  If you have any notes in your profile that are racist etc., you are not only disrespecting other people on there, in my opinion you are also disrespecting yourself. Anything you put out into the universe has one big boomerang effect. Hi Karma! How have you been?

  1. Cat Fishing – Who does this?!

I just don’t understand this. I have had a few fake profiles of me out in the world. It makes me feel all sorts of things: Flattered? Ugh not really. It’s more invasive than anything. It’s totally sad, and desperate, that anybody would think they would have to succumb to this to get any attention and love in the world. Looks aren’t everything! When you stop judging yourself, and the world, on looks alone; you will find its doors open wide to you.  Love yourself first, and this means putting the real you out in the world and developing your confidence to the point where nobody can ever bring you down. Ever.

For more information on how to develop your self-confidence, get more dates, and raise your AQ®,  visit www.studtraining101.com

The First Step to becoming a STUD

The First Step to becoming a STUD

I have been racking my brain, meditating, and asking my business coaches and friends: what is the piece that I am missing here? I have clients that take my course and people are buying my books but why is it just trickling in when I feel like people should be knocking down my door? As far as I know I’m the only guy in the world that can GUARANTEE my clients will have a DRAMATIC INCREASE in their self-confidence, and where it really matters to us.

90% of my clients have a significant relationship within a year of taking my course. 90 freaking percent! The other 10% you mention? Yup, well after taking my course they decided that they would finally live it up and ENJOY their single life for maybe the first time in their lives.  It still blows my mind.  I know guys that are getting married or are now living with their partners and it lifts me the fuck up knowing I had even if just a little piece of setting them on that path.

BUT, they all did the first step to becoming a STUD before I even spoke to them. This is really what started to change their lives.

So what the fuck are we waiting for? What is this first step!?

THE FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD IS BEING MAN ENOUGH AND COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE WE NEED HELP AND THEN TAKE ACTION. EITHER BY SEEKING OUT INFORMATION OR FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON WHO HAS THE KNOWLEDGE WE NEED TO CHANGE AND GROW. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THINGS ARE NOT WORKING, AND THAT IF WE DO NOT CHANGE THEY NEVER WILL.

STUDs all have one thing in common: they realize they don’t know it all and never can. They have the ability to check their ego enough to investigate and then soak up information they need to get bigger, faster, better, stronger, wiser, more passionate, become a better lover, ANYTHING.

Remembering back in my desperate and lonely days, this was the thing that changed my life.  I remember thinking, Is this all there is to life? Is this as good as it gets? Then it hit me, some people out there are living happier, healthier, better lives. They seem to always have women or men after them and they seem to really be happy and fulfilled. I had to find out how they were doing it. So I summoned the courage, and for me, I started to read books on confidence, relationships, dating, spirituality, happiness – and to this day, I STILL READ AND AM STILL LEARNING about all of these same things.

So. Are we willing today to take the FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD? ARE WE WILLING TO ADMIT WE DO NOT KNOW IT ALL? Are we willing to admit that we are all teachers in this universe but as well we are all learners at times?

We can do this.  We can step out of our comfort zones today and say, “alright, I’m here. Now let’s learn something and then never stop learning.”

Trust me it will be one of the best decisions of your entire life.

For more information please visit www.studtraining101.com

 

Blog: Why Giving is Receiving when it comes to Relationships

Why Giving is Receiving when it comes to relationships.

Religious or not, Jesus was spot on when he said giving is receiving – at least when it comes to relationships.  I want to share with you 2 ways you may not have thought of, to create a potential relationship, or improve a friendship, familial tie, or take a romantic relationship to a whole new level.

Giving the spark – giving warm, exciting or uplifting feelings to people

When it comes to dating, I hear it all the time: “I want to meet somebody that gets me excited. I want somebody that gives me that spark. I want somebody that drives me crazy. I want to be really sexually attracted to my partner.” GREAT! I think you deserve that, probably more than the next person; but, what are YOU DOING to give this to the world around you? What efforts are you making to give this to others you may wish to date? You are so ready to take it, though, aren’t you?

Let me show you a few ways we can improve this now:

a)We keep in shape, eat healthy and drink tons of water (this does WONDERS for our skin). Seems pretty freaking redundant, doesn’t it? Thing is, we often don’t do it: we neglect ourselves. I see this in loving relationships all the time. Guys come to me wanting a spark back in their relationship, yet aren’t willing to lose even some of the pounds they have put on since dating their lover. I’ll make it simple here: if you are desiring it, be the first to give it. Be the example. Give first. Always. Don’t ever stop

b)Maintenance. We trim the hair that needs to be trimmed (head to toe – ears too, seriously) and we update our wardrobe as our budget suits. This doesn’t have to be all the time even every couple years is okay in our adulthood (some fashionistas are going to be screaming at me on this one)

c)We participate in our interests. We light up as humans when we are working on something we are passionate about. It doesn’t matter if it’s your job or not.  Even a couple hours during the week engaging and participating in something you love will help raise your AQ® and give off a fresh energy people will enjoy being around. Sports, painting, making funny videos, singing, even playing in poker tournaments (maybe not the addicted types) are some examples

2. Supporting the dreams and goals of the people (current or potential) we have in our lives.

I can hear you now: “I already do this.” Well, I’m calling major BULLSHIT. Cause quite simply you most likely don’t, and that is totally okay. It’s actually a very rare quality to REALLY support the dreams and goals of the people around us, mostly because we are scared of being identified with things that aren’t completely in line with who we think we are or project to be. We don’t want to be associated with music we don’t like so we don’t share our friends DJ page, or we don’t like abstract art so we don’t tell people about our friends’ art exhibit. I can name a million examples here.

Have you really liked AND SHARED all of your top 10 friends and family members professional Facebook pages/twitter/Instagram/website/blog/YouTube page/other?  Have you offered any financial help? Have you offered to donate some of your time to help them with their new business or special hobby? Have you connected them with potential clients or people that could possibly help them in any way shape or form? Unless you answered yes to all of these question, you don’t particularly stand out in the way of supporting others’ dreams.

THIS IS GOOD IF YOU ARE RECOGNIZING THIS NOW.

If we now start to do these things and show support by some sense of consistent and real action, GREAT things can happen. Your friends and family will notice the difference, and maybe not publicly – but behind closed doors, you will slowly begin to see how more open and responsive they are towards you. Supporting others when they are the most vulnerable is a special and rare thing. People will remember you forever if you supported them in a time of need.

Try these things for yourself! Don’t expect things to come back instantly or in the same form. The universe will work its’ magic in mysterious ways. But, giving is receiving when it comes to any form of relationship. So, get out there and start giving!

For more information on the course STUD TRAINING 101® or the book “SEX, LOVE AND CONFIDENCE” please visit  www.studtraining101.com